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| My mother has been unhappily married for as long as I can remember. I'm 23 now so that should give some type of time frame. She has yet to tell me her and my father's whole story (in fact I only know about their early courting days)...so I don't know when the problems began.
But I do remember drunken and somewhat abusive nights from my father. I was never hit...but I know my mom got chocked out a couple of times. I'm sure there was some infidelity in their earlier years that may have caused some problems...but that's just assumption.
But I know for a fact that today, the love is gone. At least on my mom's part. My dad doesn't drink too much anymore, but when he does, he gets jealous (which I can admit, I get from him). And why wouldn't he get jealous...when my mom has a man on the side (he doesn't know for sure...but some things you just know).
Just to add something else to the pot, my father got fired back in April...now he works part time making decent money, but definitely not enough to help pay the mortgage or any other bills.
My mom actually tried to leave back in 2003 or 2004 (my freshman year in college). She actually had her own condo, with a room for me, my brother, and my boyfriend set up inside. I mean she had everything. Then that year they filed for bankruptcy...and her place....was no longer her place. So she was right back at square one. Now, almost 5 years have passed, and she still in the same unhappy spot.
Now...I'm of course mentioning the bad...because that's often what we as people focus on. But there have been some good times a long the way...I love both my parents equally, and they're probably THE MOST supportive parents a kid could ask for. They've taught me a lot...both good and bad.
But, the reason for all this back story, was simply to show how powerful GENERATIONAL CURSES may be, not matter what they are.
I am at the back end of a "break-up" if you can even call it that. After 5 years, I was finally able to step up and say, "I WANT TO BE HAPPY." But before I got to that point, my ex and I went to hell and back. Things started out so perfectly. I was IN LOVE. But a year and a half passed....with some lies along the way. Next thing you know, my ex got locked up for 10 months on a technical parole violation (oh that's another thing...my dad had run ins with the law- but just not to this extent).
When he came home, that's when things got bad. All the cheating we did on each other was found out. I confessed to having cheated while he was locked up. But I didn't find out about his infidelities for almost 4 months later. Let's just say a box from jail with explicit photos and letters from the girl he claimed was just his friend told it all. I became severely depressed and I picked up a drinking habit. That's when the fights started....and they would be sooo bad. And it was always ME starting the fights. The worse one happened almost a year ago to the day (after my jobs Christmas party). It was the best night of my life- and it turned so UGLY so fast. I ended up with a bruised cheek from a punch to the face, and he says I tried to run him over with my car.
But that fight was just one of many due to me holding on to old hurts he had caused me and regret I held within myself. But, I eventually got over it...and we moved in together (there were still some fights, just not as many). Well, he lost his job a WEEK after we moved in. From there, things went downhill...I fell out of love.....and I even picked up a friend on the side. Now...we're broken up...but it's like we're still together because I don't want to kick him when he's down- he doesn't have anybody in his corner other than me. So even though I've taken the "step" of saying I want to be happy, am I really?
Generational curses....are cyclical. And they come in so many different forms....being a single mother....doing drugs.....being abusive........being afraid of change......I know mine is living with guilt and putting others before me. Obviously drinking is one as well...but I want to go to counseling to work all these issues out.
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Happy Thanksgiving Xanga World!!
In the spirit of the holiday, I just want to run down a few things I'm thankful for this year.
1) To be alive! I thank you Jesus everyday for that, even if I moan and complain about the state of my life sometimes.
2) To be healthy! There are so many people out there with ailing health....I'm thankful not to be one of them.
3) My family and friends. You are my rock. I know my friends have been neglected at times, but I still appreciate every single one of you and I'm glad to have you all in my life.
4) To have people in my life who love and care for me.
5) With the economy the way it is, I'm thankful to be working!
6) I'm thankful for Barack Obama being elected President- you know I had to throw him in somewhere. But seriously...I'm thankful that the country has finally ascended to a higher level of consciousness where we can say that race had NOTHING to do with this election. Where a hope for something better actually prevailed over the same stale, archaic beliefs the country has held onto for so many generations.
7) I'm thankful to live in America. Where democracy reigns supreme and society is guaranteed certain freedoms no matter what. I'm so thankful to my First Amendment right of Free Speech.
So much to be thankful for. So much to be appreciative of. Life. I love it. Thank You. | | |
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So because Obama is pro-choice, some Bishops in Catholic churches are requesting their parishioners not to take communion if they voted for him. Link
Wow. Is all I have to say. There are soooo many other issues that we as a country are facing. Not to say abortion isn't an important issue, it's just one I personally don't believe should be mandated by government. There's the two wars the country is in, global warming, THE ECONOMY- I mean hell...abortion rates have gone down across the countryLink.
I just don't believe people should be deemed sinners for that. Totally ridiculous.... | | |
| They finally got to the Newseum......
THEY'VE BLOCKED OUT OUR EMAIL....SOCIAL NETWORKING.....EVERYTHING....
I'm shocked this is working....
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